There were a lot of emotions when I found out that my colleague Greg Rosenstein, a fully formed adult with access to technology, had never watched “Bloodsport.”
There was, of course, shock. There was disbelief. There was sadness, and though I am not proud to admit it, a tinge of irrational anger. How could someone, I wondered, just go about life thinking that they are somehow above “Bloodsport”? That the greatest sports movie of all time is something that you can just opt out of? That watching fictional Frank Dux expand the limits of what the human body can do is nothing but an entertainment offering among many, a distraction, or really anything other than a formative life experience?
Oh, the audacity on that Greg guy.
However, as I stared into the deep green eyes of Jean Claude Van Damme (I wish I were joking, but he’s the background image of my phone), I was overcome by a different emotion: I realized that I was really just jealous. As I was relegated to chasing scraps of the “Bloodsport” thrill by rewatching it with friends (/forcing romantic prospects to watch it next to me to determine whether we have a future), Greg, who’s our managing editor for boxing at The Athletic, had the opportunity of a lifetime in front of him: experiencing it all for the first time.
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He’d get to meet Shidoshi Tanaka and his glorious mustache, and witness Young Dux blossoming into an adult that looks nothing like him, and see Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker shine in what I’m sure remains one of the dearest roles of his career. Oh, what I would give to be able to unsee “Bloodsport” just to go through it all again.
Then, I was given a unique opportunity myself.
Much like Victor Lin walking a wide-eyed newcomer through the treacherous waters of the Kumite, I was given the honor of guiding Greg through his very first “Bloodsport” viewing (remotely, of course, in accordance with current health guidelines).
We laughed. We cried. And though I couldn’t really see it due to the fact that we are physically separated by four hours and about 6,000 miles, I’m pretty sure we sang along to the Kumite song. It was a bonding experience that, I must admit, also humbled me. Through his journalistic curiosity, sharp questions and unique observational skills, Greg showed me that I wasn’t his all-knowing shidoshi, but rather the Ray Jackson to his Dux.
I’d been here before, sure, but Greg taught me I still had so much to learn.
The bad news is that, like all good things in life, our journey eventually ended. The good news is that we kept the transcripts of it, which we are now sharing with you. Obviously, it’s got spoilers, so we’d advise those who’ve never seen “Bloodsport” to fix this mistake before or during the read. We’re also legally required to advise you not to travel to Hong Kong and join a secret unregulated no-holds-barred tournament in which people are literally killed in combat.
Opening scene. A series of men are shown preparing in different environments, breaking a variety of objects with their body parts. We first hear the word “kumite” and find out that, whatever it is, it gets people killed. We also catch our first Frank Dux sighting in an army-type environment, from where he easily escapes thanks to a highly incompetent guard.
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Rosenstein: Dudes crushing large pieces of ice. Love it. And coconuts. This is like “Rocky” without giant slabs of meat.
Prates: I’m just gonna come out and say that every movie that starts with multiple objects being broken is a good movie.
Rosenstein: Yessss! The bully from “Revenge of the Nerds” is in this!
Prates: And may I say, he’s the heart of this movie. Also, if this movie were set in current days, his wardrobe would consist exclusively of UFC merch.
Rosenstein: OH CRAP. JEAN-CLAUDE IS OUT OF THE SHOWER. How did he do that?
Prates: You are just getting a first glimpse at the powers of Frank Dux.
We are introduced to young Frank Dux, after he and his friends break into a house to casually steal a katana. Young Dux gets his ass kicked by a kid (Shingo Tanaka), and the kid’s dad (Senzo Tanaka) shows up. They make a deal, and Young Dux starts training with Shingo.
Rosenstein: OK, I have a problem with young Frank here. He’s wearing a New York Giants T-shirt and a San Francisco Giants hat. Two cities on opposite sides of the country. No connection at all. Is he a big fan of teams named the Giants?
Prates: I wish I could explain this, but this is a very American reference.
Rosenstein: Did he have a family member who happened to be from the Bay Area but grow up in New York? I’m curious about his sports fandom. It’s like wearing clothing from two Brazilian teams that are based far apart from each other but just happen to have the same name.
Prates: I find the fact that his accent, eye color and his face are entirely different than grown-up Frank Dux more alarming, but OK.
Rosenstein: That too.
Prates: See? Why are there multiple Giants, then? It just makes it confusing. It just adds to my theory that Frank is just pretending to be American.
Rosenstein: Good for Frank for stopping those bullies.
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Prates: Unfortunately that uplifting scene is immediately followed by tragedy.
We find out that Shingo is dead. No explanation is given as to why. Dux convinces Senzo Tanaka to train him, even though he’s not a Tanaka.
Prates: You’re witnessing the root of MMA, Greg.
Prates: TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. TO NOT LIMIT HIMSELF TO STYLES.
Rosenstein: Tanaka has insane defense.
Rosenstein: HOLY CRAP! BLINDFOLDED!
Prates: YES. Hold on to that detail.
Rosenstein: I’m going to see if my roommate will attempt to hit me, while I’m blindfolded, during dinner.
Prates: Please record that on video.
Rosenstein: WTF. He’s getting stretched out by a rope. This is Tony Ferguson-type training.
Prates: I feel like if we weren’t working, we could do shots whenever Van Damme does a split.
Rosenstein: We should have made this a drinking game.
Prates: This is 100 percent Ferguson-type stuff.
Rosenstein: Don’t tell our bosses it’s only 3 p.m. here.
Prates: It’s past 7 here, so I’m good.
Rosenstein: Are you able to do the splits now? I can’t, but curious if I tied myself to a rope like this, could I eventually get it?
Prates: I am not, nor have I ever been. I’m not from a particularly athletic family, so instead of ballet lessons, my mom got me cable TV. Which explains a lot.
Tanaka is in bed, apparently sick. Dux tells him he’s going to Hong Kong to honor him by fighting in the Kumite. Next thing we know, Dux is on a bus in Hong Kong, where he is joined by Ray Jackson, aka Ogre from “Revenge of the Nerds.” The two formally meet and bond over arcade games, and we find that two police officers are looking for Dux in the U.S.
Rosenstein: Remember when we could travel? Good times. When this quarantine is over, I’m going to Hong Kong.
Prates: Yes, that is the only possible takeaway from this movie.
Rosenstein: Ogre always has a beer and is hitting on women. Love it.
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Prates: Look how close these people are to each other. SIX FEET AWAY.
Rosenstein: Is it possible this is actually after he graduates from college in “Revenge of the Nerds”? He learns martial arts after?
Prates: Confession: I’ve never watched “Revenge of the Nerds.” For me, he’s always been just Ray Jackson.
Rosenstein: …
Prates: GREG, LET’S FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS HERE. IT’S GETTING REAL. (I am ashamed.)
Prates: I will never be over how Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker is part of this movie.
The Kumite is drawing near. Dux and Jackson meet Victor Lin, who takes them through the city and some shady alleys to the Kumite. Dux is registered as a Tanaka, which draws suspicion from the event’s organizers, and he has to take a test so his invitation is honored.
Rosenstein: “OK USA,” shady guy at the door.
Prates: A line so beautiful in its simplicity.
Prates: Quick side note: According to Wikipedia, the real Frank Dux was born in Toronto and relocated to California at age 7.
Rosenstein: Good info.
Prates: I’m a serious reporter who gets to the bottom of the facts, obviously.
Prates: How are you feeling about Lin, their guide? I personally think he adds a lot of charisma.
Rosenstein: Love him. Great addition to the group.
Prates: Ohhh, you’re about to witness the dim mak. This is a life-changing moment for you.
Rosenstein: Oh babyyyyyyy. That was awesome.
Prates: “No shit you honor his invitation.” — JACKSON, Ray
Rosenstein: “No shit you honor his invitation.” GREAT line.
Prates: Jinx hahhahaha
Prates: I love everyone’s reactions to the word “kumite.” The world’s worst-kept secret.
A blond woman who was trying to get information on the Kumite is being intimidated by one of the fighters, Sadiq Hossein. Dux intervenes and proposes a challenge. He scores a date with her and in the next scene does a full split between two chairs because why not.
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Rosenstein: I should try this quarter trick at bars (once we’re allowed to have human interaction again).
Prates: Sure. It’s not problematic at all that they’re fighting over a woman using a coin game.
Rosenstein: Wow, so smooth, Frank. I wish I had his game. I definitely wouldn’t be single right now.
Prates: I mean, I question this reporter’s ethics a little bit but I can’t see anyone — man, woman, nonbinary — who would resist Young Van Damme.
Rosenstein: lol. Casual splits in the hotel room.
Prates: SHOOOOOT.
Rosenstein: Can’t he just sit down like a normal person?
Prates: Sitting down: predictable, everyone can do it, for normies. Splits: unexpected, athletic, looks rad on the ’gram.
The Kumite begins.
Rosenstein: Frank is JACKED. Do they test for steroids in the Kumite?
Prates: I am going to guess, just going by Chong Li, that they don’t. But I don’t want to make irresponsible accusations.
Prates: I gotta say, the Kumite crowd is looking more sophisticated than the average UFC audience.
Rosenstein: No Affliction T-shirts.
Prates: P.S: Suan Paredes is played by the same guy who plays Tong Po, the villain in “Kickboxer.” He’s also the fight choreographer for a few of Van Damme’s movies, if I’m not mistaken.
Rosenstein: “That’s why they call this blood sport, kid.”
Prates: What did I tell you about Ray Jackson being the heart of the movie? Golden quotes all around.
Rosenstein: He’s also a pretty good guy for helping out a possible opponent.
Rosenstein: How much of a weight advantage do you think Jackson has in this first fight?
Prates: I’m going to go ahead and guess 80 pounds. Plus, he’s wearing a bandana, and everyone knows that’s doping.
Rosenstein: Wow. Chong Li stood there and watched him die. That’s badass/horrible.
Prates: Chong Li has NO. CHILL.
Rosenstein: REAR-NAKED CHOKE FOR CHONG LI. Sidenote: He’s definitely juicing.
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Prates: He’s not passing the eye test. That’s all I’m gonna say.
Dux has his Kumite debut, against Hossein (and his golden tooth).
Prates: I keep getting GSP vibes from Frank Dux.
Rosenstein: DON’T TRY THAT ON FRANK DUX.
Prates: I’d like to highlight this cameo: a guy sneaking in and claiming the gold tooth.
Rosenstein Wait wtf just happened. He took teeth?
Prates: I mean, he bit it, figured out it was solid gold.
Rosenstein: “KUMITE…KUMITE…KUMITE…” Sing it with me.
Prates “I FIGHT TO SURVIIIIIIIVE.”
Rosenstein: This song is really catchy
Prates Good luck getting that one out of your head for the next 48 hours.
The American cops get a tip from local authority Captain Chen and find Dux at the fighters hotel. A relentless chase through Hong Kong ensues. It is awesome.
Rosenstein: “I AIN’T YOUR PAL, DICKFACE.” That wasn’t nice.
Prates: Well, the tasers aren’t all that polite, either.
Rosenstein: Woah, they were gonna shock him?!
Prates: I like that we’re highlighting the same things. I think it’s the sign of a truly iconic movie.
Prates: COP CHASE SET TO ’80S MUSIC YESSSS
Rosenstein This is like the scene in “Superbad” where Seth Rogan’s character tries to chase down Michael Cera. “He’s the fastest kid alive … ”
Prates: But that scene didn’t have an Academy Award winner. (Yes, I will be sure to bring that up every 15 minutes.)
Dux escapes and is now on the date with the blond reporter, whose name we still don’t know. She really wants to get in to watch the tournament and tries to convince Dux to get her access. He refuses but gives her access to other things, if you know what I mean.
Rosenstein: WHO IS THIS WOMAN. Was this ever explained?
Prates: We just know she’s a very dedicated reporter who wants to get into the Kumite. But honestly, I’ve seen this movie about 85 times, and I don’t remember her name ever being mentioned.
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Prates: I said this movie has EVERYTHING. Fights, police chases, comedy, romance. What else can anyone ask for?
Rosenstein: Wait. She’s sleeping with sources now? Not very good journalism ethics. All to get into this tournament.
Prates: LOOK. I don’t like that she’s contributing to this harmful myth that women do this to get stories. We already get enough crap as it is. But, again, it’s Young Van Damme. I don’t think she planned it. The heart wants what it wants.
We’re back to the Kumite, and the reporter found a way in with someone else.
Rosenstein: Her name is apparently Janice.
Prates: Somehow this information changes my experience of this movie. I’d always pictured her as something more adventurous, like … Reneé.
Rosenstein: Woah, so Frank isn’t the only one she’s sleeping with to get access to the tournament.
Prates: Now you’re just making accusations. We don’t know that she slept with anyone else. She might have just used her charms and fooled that dude.
Rosenstein: Fair.
Prates: I don’t want to spoil it, but you’ll see proof of her real feelings for Frank.
Rosenstein: EWW. He just tore open that dude’s knee. Chong Li is ruthless.
Prates: Yep. No chill.
Rosenstein: Journalism nerd alert: Look at that tape recorder!
Prates: Fun fact: At one point she whispers something that we can’t hear at the recorder, right?
Rosenstein: Yep, can’t hear.
Prates: In the Brazilian version of the movie, they dub it. She says, “The violence is unbelievable.” I have no idea why they decided to invent that quote, or if it existed in some earlier version.
The fights continue. Chong Li pretty much snaps Paredes’ leg in half. Then Dux’s fight begins.
Prates: SUN’S OUT, GUNS OUT. You know it’s about to get real when Van Damme goes shirtless.
Rosenstein: Right. Why the sudden outfit change?
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Prates: It’s like a Beyonce concert. You gotta have some drama.
Rosenstein: Oh crap, here’s Pumola’s signature move, “the squeeze.”
Dux is also advancing in the tournament and uses a controversial strike to end his fight with Pumola. Jackson goes up against Li, who is merciless and stomps his head.
Prates: DUNDASSO ALERT.
Rosenstein: OH MY GOD.
Prates: RIGHT IN THE NUTS.
Rosenstein: SPLITS TO A PUNCH IN THE BALLS. THIS IS EPIC. Would “Big” John McCarthy eliminate Frank from the competition if it were held today?
Prates: I think John McCarthy would have taken issue with a number of things here.
Prates: Ray Jackson vs. Chong Li. Jackson pulls a Rousimar Palhares and celebrates too soon.
Rosenstein: Bad decision, Ray. Gotta fight till it’s officially over.
Prates: And he pays for that decision in blood.
Rosenstein: That was like Edward Norton in “American History X” with the curb stomp.
Prates: Fortunately, he makes it.
Rosenstein: In a way, I’m glad this happened. I don’t want to see Frank go against Ray.
Dux and Janice are visiting Jackson in the hospital. Janice is giving Dux a hard time about continuing in the tournament. Dux won’t back down. He goes on a very pensive bus ride set to the sound of cheesy music. He does scenic splits. It’s also awesome.
Prates: “I don’t want to see you get hurt.” “Then don’t watch.” Frank keeping it 100.
Rosenstein: “My father was a reporter. I was a good writer. It seemed like the best thing to do.” — Janice/me. We both clearly regret our career choices.
Prates: I felt that, too. Now she lives vicariously through others.
Rosenstein: Who would you have rooted for if Frank and Ray fought?
Prates: That is such a tough question. Damn. I’m going to say Frank because it would mean a lot to his sick shidoshi.
Rosenstein: OK, Frank is now just showing off. Like, DUDE WE GET IT. YOU CAN DO THE SPLITS.
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Prates: In fairness, that’s a Van Damme staple. A minimum of five splits and one butt shot every movie.
Prates: If we were doing shots, things would probably be getting dangerous right now.
We are back to the dark alleys that lead to the Kumite, where the American cops are waiting on Dux after Janice snitched on him to Captain Chen like a total jackass.
Rosenstein: Creepy laughing guy in the back alley is gonna haunt me in my dreams.
Prates: I feel a lot about this movie is going to haunt you in your dreams.
Rosenstein: Tony/Khabib should be held in an environment like this. Down some shady, dark back alley in a room nobody knows.
Prates But perhaps minus the rats and the very unsanitary conditions.
Rosenstein: These policemen are horrible at their jobs. Do they not own guns? Just Tasers?
Prates: Different times, I guess. Also, Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker is clearly a gentle soul.
Dux outfights all of them and escapes. He’s late to the tournament, but some dude bribes the organizers to buy him time. Paco is his last opponent before the tournament final.
Rosenstein: Oh damn, BRIBERY. Out in the open, too.
Prates: Let’s just say this event wouldn’t really be approved by any state athletic commissions.
Rosenstein: Oh damn, he fell for the fist bump trick.
Prates: Paco is an underrated character, IMO.
Rosenstein: I barely remember him in the earlier rounds.
Prates: He’s sneaky. Look at him, going shot for shot with Frank.
Rosenstein: This is like Edson Barboza vs. Justin Gaethje. Leg-kick bonanza.
Prates: One of my favorite things about this movie (and I get how creepy I’m going to sound) is the blood. It’s always placed in the most random and unrealistic of places.
Li has his last fight before the tourney final, against Guy In Gold Pants.
Rosenstein: Chong Li is must-watch for me going forward. After this tourney, I’m gonna follow his progress and future fights. I hope he has an Instagram.
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Prates: He does but his manager is clearly the one doing the posting. Also, you might regret this affirmation now.
Rosenstein: What is the point of the referee?
Prates: To look startled and wear a sick robe, obviously.
Rosenstein: The ref just stood there while the opponent was on the ground, lifeless. The ref looked at him like, “Wow, he’s dead.” YEAH, NO CRAP. YOU LET IT HAPPEN.
Prates: Chong Li killed a dude dead and people are celebrating. And we complain about UFC fans!
Guy In Gold Pants is dead, but everyone moves on very fast. It’s actually quite alarming. You think people would be more shocked by murder. Anyway, it’s on to the big final.
Rosenstein: YESSSS THE MOMENT I’VE WAITED MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR. I just got goosebumps seeing “Frank Dux” and “Chong Li” on the board.
Prates: Well, enjoy it because we ain’t getting Tony/Khabib. This is your consolation prize.
Rosenstein: Wait. What just happened there?
Prates: The white powder?
Rosenstein: Yeah.
Prates: You’ll see. NEXT. LEVEL. DUNDASSO.
Rosenstein: Also for some reason I thought the mat was flat. Now it’s curved.
Prates: It was. They changed it for the big fight.
Rosenstein: UFC should try a curved mat. Also, that’s not fair. You can’t just change it for the finals.
Prates: I mean, the stakes are higher.
Prates: “You break my record. Now I break you. Like I break your friend.” — LI, Chong
Rosenstein: Chong Li wearing a wedding ring?
Prates: Is he? You pay attention to some weird details, man.
Rosenstein: Haha, using the ref. Love it.
Prates: This ref is like “I did not sign up for this crap. I just saw a man die. I’m being used as a prop.”
Rosenstein: The cops just clearly gave up.
Prates: Oh, the cops are all in at this point. Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker knows he’s witnessing history.
Rosenstein: WOAH. Backward kick!
Prates: There’s a reason why they call this “Bloodsport,” Greg.
Li throws a white powder on Dux’s face. Dux can’t see anything and makes sure we know by being super dramatic about it.
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Rosenstein: OK, that’s not fair. It was so obvious, too. I’m legit pissed right now. Screw Chong Li’s trainer.
Prates: And you were invested in Chong Li, too. I feel for you right now.
Rosenstein: And now he rolls down the mat because it’s curved. I’M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT.
Prates: Please pay attention to Frank Dux’s facial expressions right now. The emotion. The pain. The intensity.
Rosenstein: I wonder how many fighters today have lost contacts in the cage and have had similar experiences where they can’t see.
Prates: Well, how many of them trained blindfolded?
Rosenstein: OH, BLINDFOLD. He doesn’t need vision!
Prates:: See. I told you to hold on to that information.
After invoking the power of flashbacks, Dux fights blind and still won. He has Li’s head on his hands and starts yelling at him to “SAY IIIIIT.”
Rosenstein: I wonder what the odds were going into this fight. All of those bettors in the stands. Is this like a Matt Serra-GSP upset?
Rosenstein: Damn, that was awesome. Wait, what did he say to end the fight?
Prates: “Matte.” It’s what they say when they give up. Like a verbal tap. So Frank’s victory was particularly impressive. He made Chong Li quit.
Rosenstein: Saying “matte” is worse than death.
Prates: AND he retrieved Jackson’s bandana.
Dux is back in the hospital, where he and Jackson share a moment. He gets on a plane back home with the cops, who are now cool with him. Janice is on the tarmac, and they salute each other. Credits roll in with the totally true facts of the real Frank Dux’s totally true-life story.
Rosenstein: You and I share a similar bond to Ray and Frank, I would say — since we’ve never met and live in different continents.
Prates: Yes. This movie has really made that happen for us, I think.
Rosenstein: WAIT THIS WAS BASED ON A TRUE STORY?!
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Prates: This movie is very triggering. Like most movies right now.
Prates: Check out the stats they give on Frank Dux.
Rosenstein: 329 matches in 5 years is a lot.
Prates: Today, in THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
Rosenstein: 56 consecutive knockouts in a single tourney. Holy crap — 72 mph knockout.
Prates: Yeah, you can see why some people question the veracity of real-life Frank Dux’s claims.
Rosenstein: KUMITE…KUMITE…KUMITE…
Rosenstein; I wonder what Bolo Yeung is up to nowadays. You think people on the streets are like, “IT’S CHONG LI!”
Prates: He’s still alive, which is impressive considering he was already pretty old when he made the movie a thousand years ago.
Rosenstein: Mandy Chan, the janitor, needs more credit for his work in this film. Woah, the real Frank Dux was the fight coordinator.
Prates: I like that you are committed even to the credits. I’d paused it already.
Rosenstein: I loved that. KUMITE…KUMITE…KUMITE…
Rosenstein: What do you think happened with Frank and the reporter? Romance, or they just moved on with their lives?
Prates: Didn’t work out, I think. She travels too much for work, and he has a wandering eye.
Rosenstein: She prob had to “go undercover” with another source to find the next big story.
Prates: Greg, I do not appreciate your judgments on Janice/Renée.
Prates: As an objective observer in 2020, though — do you think it’s fair that this was only the 95th place on The Athletic’s top sports movies list?
Rosenstein: Probably should have been higher. Action scenes were incredible. It’s not “Rocky” level but up there. “Uncut Gems” above this? C’mon.
Prates: That’s all I needed to hear. I feel vindicated already.
(Top photo courtesy of MGM)
